how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Randomize
