I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
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