i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Randomize
