went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
