Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Randomize
