those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
