What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
