ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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