Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Randomize
