my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
