I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
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