so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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