Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
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