two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Randomize
