Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
send nudes
from the living room?
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
