I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Randomize