We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
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