well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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