speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
