What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
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