Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
But theres a keg here and me gusta
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Randomize
