it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
