my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
