Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
