Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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