Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize
