Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
operation harelip BJ is a go
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Randomize
