Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
