Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Soap is not a condiment
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Randomize
