His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
