No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
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