dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
NoShamevember. You game?
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
