I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
We got so high we made milksteak
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
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