Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
This baby is an asshole
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
