I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize