its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
