i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
