I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
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