Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
