Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
