My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
They have beer where we have blood.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize