How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Randomize
