Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
