Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Randomize
