at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Randomize
