worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
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