he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
