The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
I'm jealous of your bromance
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
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