there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
how do flat chested girls get laid?
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Randomize