Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
