no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
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