So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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