Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
