dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
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