btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Randomize
