Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
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