I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
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