Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
