you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
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