what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
its not stalking. its research.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
