i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Randomize
