Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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