If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Randomize
