I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Randomize
