i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
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