make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Randomize
