omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Randomize
