I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Michael Bay diarrhea
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
