escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
