I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
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