Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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